Loving an older women

Isabelle Huppert stars in White Material

For many men over 40, a young lover is like a pretty, decorated Christmas tree: great to look at for a week or so, but that's it. Though they don't know it, older, mature women are better for a man in his middle years.

Let's say you're one of those deluded men in his 40s who commits adultery to be with a woman half your age. After the initial rush of blood to the head, the pride at beating a bunch of young guys to capture a youthful beauty, you're left with the onerous task of satisfying a woman who probably does not share your interests, who has that everything-is-new-and-exciting attitude you grew out of 20 years ago.

Youthful charm

In a way, it's like going to visit your 20-year-old daughter at college and she's discovered alternative, activist cafes and cheapo ethnic restaurants. She acts like she's the first person in the world to sip coffee from a chipped mug while bearded fellows huddle in corners reading Marx and Engels.

Ashley Judd. [See more Ashley Judd]

Diane Lane. [See more Diane Lane]

Angela Bassett. [See more black stars]

Sharon Stone. [See more Hollywood stars]

Marisa Tomei. [See more Marisa Tomei]

Kristin Scott Thomas. [See more British totty]

It's all very exciting and new to her, and you play along not wanting to be an old fuddy-duddy, but you did that same stuff in the 60s, 70s, or 80s. It was fun and fresh then, but you grew out of it.

Appeal of older women

Contrast that with older women, either as friends or lovers (By the way, older women is often a way of saying women your own age, not older than you).

You've both been through so much; there's no need to rehash old material and pretend its new. Radical or alternative lifestyles, yeah, yeah, been there, tried that. Organic farming? Same thing, yeah, it was a hoot for a while. Pot? Nah, not really my thing. Peace corps, helping the poor, working in soup kitchens, backpacking in Europe? Yep, been there, done that, got some old t-shirts to prove it.

What should give you most pleasure is enjoying where you're at today, whether it's 40, 50, 60 or beyond, not attempting to bottle and preserve a youthful version of yourself.

An older woman with money and a career is more emotionally stable than her younger counterpart. She's knows what she wants, she's been through plenty of ups and downs, she's met some good guys and a bunch of duds; she knows sacrifice, and she's now ready to enjoy life.

Sexual appetite

Her physical appetite is probably greater than that of a younger woman. She's not willing to accept careless quickies followed by the rapid rollover and snoring. She wants to be attended to. She needs you to satisfy her.

BS detector

An older woman has a perfectly tuned bs-detector. If you're in a restaurant or ski resort and your credit card is declined once, she'll smile and offer to pay. If it happens two, three, four times, she'll know you can't be trusted, that you haven't got your act together.

An older woman will know the difference between a one-off, unavoidable mishap and a pattern of (mis)behavior. If you're good in other departments (bed), the woman might keep you and pay a few of your bills, but most likely she'll dump you and move on. No tears shed, no time to waste on losers.

Fit women

It might have escaped your attention that 40 and beyond is not what it used to. Plenty of women in mid-life and mid-career are training hard, jumping from planes, skiing down the steepest slopes at Jackson Hole, running marathons, mushing malamutes in Alaska. They have stamina, endurance, and commitment which is so often missing in younger women.

Kicking butt

I know plenty of women in their 50s who can kick my butt at distance running. Their bodies are amazing and their training schedule is grueling. Not only do they work a tough week, they find time to run 50 miles a week, plus they probably do a few sessions of gym work a week to keep their body core strong.

Long walks

Right now, I am dating a woman of 49 who's in charge of leadership training at a major corporation. She's confident about her career, doesn't need to blow off steam about her job as a guy would.

When we're together we barely mention work, we talk about what we want to do, which might be running, going for a long walk, a good meal, coffee in the city, or it might involve going away for a long weekend for romance and evenings in the desert watching the sun go down.

There are no money worries, no emotional roller-coasters, we both know what we want and we are prepared to ask for it. We also know what we don't want and don't need to do, which is wonderful. Being with an attractive, successful, confident woman at this stage of my life is a fantastic gift.

By Gregg Scott

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