Will a husband leave his wife?
Will a married man with leave his wife for a mistress? It does happen, but most often a married man will stay with his wife. He benefits from being married, might even enjoy his married life, but he also depends emotionally on his mistress.
Think about it, a married man has a wife who probably takes care of his house, does his washing and cooking. He has kids. He has a life that's interwoven with his wife's: joint finances, pension plans, life insurance, health care plans, jointly owned property and vehicles, shared debt. He has his kids' futures to think about. He's probably pretty content with his married life. What he gets from you, the mistress, is regular sex, which makes him even happier.
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You might even be to blame for providing him with sex on his terms in the faint hope that he will one day leave his wife and marry you. Or perhaps you accept the conditions of the affair, which are almost always weighted in the married man's favor. Does he lavish gifts on you, pay your rent or mortgage, go on vacation with you, all making it difficult for you to complain.
You can judge from a man's behavior whether he's likely to leave his wife. Here are some tell-tale indications that he won't do it:
Does he talk endlessly about his life and career, complain about his wife, expecting you to listen and offer sympathy, but when you talk about your work, expectations and hopes, he seems restless and uninterested? Married men often use their mistresses as therapists, off-loading all their personal junk onto them. Rarely do they take much interest in their lover's life.
Is your married lover, attentive and caring before physical intimacy but not when it is over? When intimacy is over, is your lover in a hurry to dress and leave? Married men will put a lot of effort into getting what they want. Once it has been given to them, they feel no need to stay and cuddle, talk, have coffee. They'll most often leave soon after sex.
Are most of your married lover's emails and cell phone calls about casual intimacy, all the things he wants to do with you, what he expects you to do to him, where he can meet you to do it? If it's 90 percent his physical needs and 10 percent taking an interest in your life, it's a clear sign that he only needs one thing from you.
If you press him on the matter, saying something like "Is that all I am to you, someone to have sex with?", he'll probably say, "Of course not, I just love to say these things to you because you're so sexy and open. My wife hates when I talk about sex." (It turns out that wives would love to be spoken to in the way married men talk to their mistresses).
Does a married lover often let you down, not living up to promises to meet you and call you? Does he have full freedom to call you but he has very restrictive rules about calling him? Does he promise to talk to his wife about leaving her but he never does? Does he give you dates when he'll leave his wife but the dates keep shifting? Is your relationship almost entirely on the married man's terms?
Does your lover quickly switch from being loving and attentive to being cold and cruel if you ask him about his plans, when he's going to marry you, when he's going to tell his wife about you? Does he invent excuses, telling you it's a bad time to talk to his wife, there's so much going on at work, his kids are going through a bad patch, etc?
You have to take into account that a man, gay or straight, will do almost anything to have regular, uncomplicated relations with another woman, especially if you are uncomplaining and allow him to lead a double life.
We know from the examples of prominent clergy, businessmen, politicians, and people in the public eye that they will risk their careers, reputations, finances, and futures just to have sex. Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Ted Haggard, to name just a few, risked everything to be with other women.
As the mistress of a married man, you need to understand how strong a driving force sex is for him. Think about what you and your married lover do and talk about together apart the obvious connection. If there is very little apart from that, then there's only one reason he's with you and he will not leave his wife for that.
By Jason Forbes